BONUS: Nilla's Road Report

State by state graded analysis of the roads on which we traveled, from the perspective of our Persian cat Nilla, enhanced by our human experiences. Extra-Special Report at the end!

Persian Cat with Non-Descript Expression, in a Carrier Strapped into a Vehicle

Nilla's comments will be followed by ours. Let's get started!

UTAH: Grade F

Nilla: Could have been a solid C except for the I-15 through your three biggest cities: Provo, Salt Lake City, and Orem. This driving nightmare lasted over 90 minutes and within half an hour of leaving this hell-hole, I barfed extensively on the fluffy blankie in my carrier. Gross. Also, let's talk soon about road transitions as part of the state-induced trauma.

Sharine: It sucked big time. The only cool thing about driving in Utah was seeing beautiful mountains in the distance and Brittlebush dancing, waving, and smiling at us along the roadside. But none of that mattered because 1) Nilla couldn't see the geographical wonders or the flowers because we had not yet devised the above-pictured raised carrier strapped atop our travel safe (don't judge us), and 2) the fact that crappy roads made our Miss Precious Perfect get sick on Day 4 of our epic road trip made me feel 😡 and 🤢.

Ron: I just drive, drive, drive all the time. Where do I turn next, and can I get strong cold brew there?

IDAHO: Grade C+ or Whatever

Nilla: Should I start mewing about bridges and overpasses yet, or we are gonna wait for the "Special Report" at the end?

Sharine: Umm, fuzzy princess, I was so shattered by the Utah road nightmare that I don't remember anything about the general highway conditions in Idaho. The views were mostly nice, though, aside from the smoke from fires in the Pacific Northwest. So yeah, we're leaving road transitions for the special report.

Ron: Hey, we're in Idaho! Let's stop at Love's for coffee.

MONTANA: Grade D

Nilla: Everything was copascetic until we got to the road leading to our campsite. Was it a nice site? I don't know because I was in abject SHOCK because that "road" (if you could call it a road, since it was more like a winding rugged path made of mini-boulders) was 5.5 miles long and must be traveled at 30 mph, which equates to 777 million years in feline time. So, tell me humans, is THIS what Montana freedom is really about?

Sharine and Ron: Not bad for roads shredded by snow, ice, blazing sun, and constant tourist traffic. That is, until we turned off the highway toward our campground (GULP). The entire trailer shook loose from its foundations (just kidding, but that's how it felt). And generally we thought we were lost in a tunnel of total doom, heading toward a hell worse than the I-15 through Salt Lake City. More than that, we felt certain that Nilla was going to claw us both to death in the middle of the night inside the trailer. Well, all three of us would surely have perished together: A terrible story, but let's try to laugh at the fact that IT DID NOT TURN OUT THAT WAY! Also, we were by a pretty lake and WE got to see Yellowstone. Nilla did not care to experience those awesome wonders of nature, but rather to catch up on her beauty sleep. Due to her trauma, we will stand by her grade of D.

NORTH DAKOTA: Grade B-

Nilla: Can I bitch about bridges yet?

Sharine: The I-94 up to this point was not too darn bad, but NO, Nilla, you can't talk about bridges yet. Hey, remember when we crossed the Continental Divide?! It was smooth sailing!

Ron: I got to meet my friend Paul for the first time. He bought lunch for Sharine and I. We had an inspiring conversation, and we met his dog Ben. Sharine took a photo of me and Paul in front of the Mini-Bago. Everyone in Paul's group wants to know, "Where is Ron?" Oh, Sharine says that happened three days ago, in Montana. But it's still feels like today!

MINNESOTA: Grade B-

Nilla: More I-94, blah blah blah. Bridges, overpasses, under-crossings, over-crossings, etc. Can I mention the HUMIDITY at this point?

Sharine: Let me just say that no cats in our caravan were harmed during this passage. The weather made a decisive turn toward very high humidity after crossing the Continental Divide (there are reasons for this that I will not bore you with at this moment). Suffice to say, high humidity makes warm summer east-side climates feel much hotter and muggier than in regions west of the Divide.

Ron: We're talking about roads, right? On our way to Wisconsin, we took the I-694 according to the iPhone maps app. It was a roadwork nightmare of one- or two-lane split roads, all to avoid the metro area. Lots of big rigs and hot-head drivers. It was still probably the best route. But on another note, we didn't see many transportation workers actually on site and WORKING, so what's up with that, Minnesota? It was a non-holiday Tuesday.

Sharine: Yeah, get to work!

WISCONSIN: Grade B

Nilla: It almost seemed like the roads were getting better until we stopped for a good length of time when I was deposited in a small bedroom with my food, water, and litter. I was in a foreign land. There were 12 or 13 dogs all trying to kill me, but I fended them off. It was worse than a bad dream.

Sharine: Oh! That was at my sister's lake cottage! We parked the rig and sequestered you in the guest room. You hid under the bed most of the time. The roads seemed fine to me!

Ron: I agree with Sharine. We're talking about roads, Nilla. This is YOUR feature in the travelogue.

IOWA: Grade C+

Nilla: More of the bone-shattering road rubble. My fur is ffffffalling off from the constant impact. Are you torturing me on purpose?

Sharine: Some of the roads were okay! But Maps app took us on the "fastest route" to Kahle's llama farm, and that included DIRT ROADS THROUGH CORPORATE CORN FIELDS. Ope, nope!

Ron: Did we actually PLAN to take this route? Were we lost? Well, there was a blue sky and nice clouds, so we decided to keep 'er movin'.

Nilla: Does anyone listen to me?

Sharine and Ron: YES, fuzzy princess! We hear your cries for perfection!

ILLINOIS: Grade D-

Nilla: I. Can't. Even.

Sharine: I have nothing to say except that I love you and we cannot control the government in any state, let alone Ill-inois. More of the split-roads and treacherous driving we experienced in Minnesota. We took our customary break at lunch time and recovered from the trauma as a family.

Ron: D- is an appropriate grade for these roads and the poor roadwork signage.

MICHIGAN: Grade C-

Nilla: How many BUMPS can they build into these highways? It's unconscionable. If they would at least make them MUSICAL, say in 4/4 time, I might be able to find a bit of solace. You know I love music! But NO. It's completely arbitrary and annoying, as if by design.

Sharine: I agree with you, Miss Precious Perfect. Michigan is so pretty, like you, and travelers through it deserve the best roads ever.

Ron: This is my home state, and I should shut up, but Nilla is totally ON BEAT with her analysis. Pun intended.

OHIO: Grade ?

Nilla: What happened in Ohio, besides it was extremely hot and humid and there were weird bugs?

Sharine: It pretty much sucked on the highway. Some of the roads near the campground were very nice. You blacked out and we had to drag you into and out of your carrier just so you could stretch out on the bed in the trailer. The bugs were definitely annoying but they weren't biters, so there's that!

Ron: We are going to have good roads again, it's a numbers game! Right?

KENTUCKY: Grade ?????

Nilla: We drove straight through Kentucky and I don't recall a thing about road conditions.

Sharine: That's right, and neither do Ron and I. We think that driving through Kentucky is like going into a mind-control memory wipe tunnel that may be what our Kentucky-born friend Alex called "Hell-fire." We're just going to call it a phenomenon and hand it over to The X-Files or whoever handles that stuff now. Maybe Jason Breshears.

Ron: We may have not even stopped for fuel or iced coffee, which is very strange. And worth investigating.

TENNESSEE: Grade C-

Nilla: Not bad until we got to Memphis. Who invents these roadside potholes?

Sharine: I agree. The roads leading up to our campsite in Hendersonville, TN were fairly decent. But suburban Memphis roads were filled with potholes worse than in Minnesota and Wisconsin! It appears that they try to patch them, but when you drive on them, you realized it's an optical illusion.

Ron: As the driver, I can attest that there is NO WAY AROUND these side-street potholes. Also, there are a lot of crazy drivers and bad road signage.

MISSOURI: Grade B

Nilla: I think I slept nearly the whole way through Missouri. The roads were pretty darn good. Couple of bumps every 30 minutes or so (transitions notwithstanding), but I'll say overall fairly pleasant road travel conditions.

Sharine and Ron: Indeed. Few complaints here, except for the signage at Big Spring. But that's not about road conditions.

OKLAHOMA: Grade B+

Nilla: Wow. Am I near Heaven? The roads are very smooth here.

Sharine and Ron: Yes, Nilla, we are moving quickly toward Heaven. It's called HOME.

TEXAS: Grade ?

Nilla: We were in Texas? The roads must have been okay because I didn't wake up and I didn't barf.

Sharine and Ron: Yeah, it's that little part that sticks up called the Texas Panhandle. You cried a few times, but everyone cries in Texas. It's ancestral trauma. Let the healing begin.

NEW MEXICO: Grade F-

Nilla: Did we get transported into a world of only bad roads, bad weather, and bad energy? Because this place sucks! I barfed again while we were traveling, and it was not fun.

Sharine: Hey, fuzzy princess! We did our best to make your travel experience comfortable. Not everything sucks here! We got to shop freely, we saw some amazing natural beauty, AND the mini-sunflowers (Brittlebush) reappeared and they were everywhere! It was cool and DRY enough that we didn't need air-conditioning, which I know made you feel more comfortable in the trailer!

Ron: Yes, Sharine, you're right. But Nilla is correct that the roads are worse than horrible here, they're almost undriveable in certain sections. Still, we made it through! And thank goodness for the cool nights!

ARIZONA: Grade B

Nilla: Even though it's not as bad as some of the other states' roads, this iconic I-40, aka Route 66, is fraught with nightmarish road problems. Can they fix it?

Sharine and Ron: You'd think that roads leading to National Parks would be the most smooth and lovely of all highways and byways, but no. Sorry, Nilla: This world is sometimes messy and unfair.

CALIFORNIA: Grade B+

Nilla: I almost gave our home state a solid A, but that long stretch through the Mojave Desert was brutal. I kept dreaming of being home, on solid ground that [rarely] moves, all stretched out or snug in your inbox.

Sharine and Ron: Yep, downgraded from A to B+, but still far better than almost all the roads we drove on our 7,200-mile journey! And yes, Nilla, we're glad to be home now, too!

*****BONUS SECTION!*****

BRIDGES, OVERCROSSINGS, UNDERCROSSINGS, DITCHES, DRAINS & WASHES: Grade: G (for Gross Negligence and Intentional Trauma)

Nilla: Mile for mile of road travel, by far the worst conditions exist at the transitions listed in the title. Two words: They suck! They're uneven, craggy, and ridiculously bumpy, both entering and exiting the section.

Sharine: Yeah, and there are thousands of these places where the regular road meets the beginning and end of a bridge or other roadway transition section. Who are the road engineers designing these crappy roadway changes, and who are the Department of Transportation road workers building them? It's unconscionable how jarringly traumatic these transitions are. I read recently that the Army Corps of Engineers did a long-term study of the nation's bridges and concluded that the vast majority of them are in serious need of repair, like a D- grade. Remember the I-35 bridge collapse in Minneapolis-St. Paul a few years ago? Yikes.

Ron: After a couple of weeks on the road, I felt myself cringing whenever I saw one of these transitions coming up.

Well, folks, th-th-th-th-that's all! We survived it all, we learned a lot (including some things we didn't care to have to learn, haha), and we are home again, ready to plan our next RV travel adventure, which will decidedly NOT be several weeks long! We now conclude our coverage of Ron, Sharine, and Nilla's 2021 Epic 38-Day 18-State Road Trip! We are grateful to have been able to make the trip. We're glad that you tuned in to the blog, and we hope you enjoyed the show and stories!

As always, we're sending you much love and encouraging you to have your own adventures, since life is for the living!💖